From the mere beginning......

7 months, 10 days have passed since I joined college, and strangely the things are not working out for the very first time in my life. This time life gave me lemons I wasn’t able to make lemonade instead I just crushed them and walked away.

My college life is not a story for starters, lemme start from the beginning from where it all began so I am Ankita Prasad and ye hai….  ANKITA KI DUNIYA!

My whole life I had been that carefree girl who really didn’t cared about the people, the marks, the future. Even my parents couldn’t believe that how I am so different from the family as when they were stressing on how I am gonna do in the board exams, I was busy making the interior designs for my imaginary café. (Ps – I really want to open one). And believe it or not even with not studying just one day before an exam really didn’t made my result go down. That day I realised that it’s okay to cheat one day in a week, 4 days in a month, Its okay to think how you want to see yourself in the next couple of years, with whom to want to see yourself with, what kind of personality you want to have JUST BEFORE AN EXAM ITS COOL. You know why because all the other days I have done the hard work.

In school I was a good student not a topper but scored pretty well and now I think about how it made a difference, it hasn’t. The reality is no one ever cared just to make my parents happy, immersing myself in studies and doing nothing my whole life is such a wrong decision.

I am not saying that don’t study but just don’t do it every time, always follow a passion, be it writing, acting, playing sports etc. side by side. One of the biggest regrets is that when I didn’t score well, I couldn’t explain, there wasn’t really any explanation to my scoring less, right?  And trust me I couldn’t care less for it. If you want to make big out of your life start today itself, FUCK THE EXCUSES, JUST DO IT. Don’t think that you are in just school or you don’t have resources, cause the first is always first, and it’s cool to make a fool out of yourselves for the first time. 

Want to know why? Because dear fella you at least did it when you will look back you will confidently mention that yes today who I am is because of that stupid first attempt and I am kind of glad I did it.

I am a 19-year-old, and from the mere beginning I have always dreamt big, no matter from where I am cause it’s my dream and no one can judge me for it and its totally up to me till what extent I can go to fulfil it.  And I realized when I screwed up my 11^th standard, failing for the first time in my life it broke me. I still remember me returning home and crying so loudly and shutting myself in my room for 7 days crying and studying. 8^th day gave my exam and just got the heck out of it and got back to school. But being a compartment student, my biology teachger couldn’t stand me and always degraded me. Showed me how I was not sufficient enough to sit with the perfect scores of the class, and she made me miss my games period and asked me to study in the lab. I was only 17 at that time and trust me till now it was the worst phase crying every night and regretting taking PCMB (physics, chemistry, biology, maths) was clear on my face. And that year I realized that it was mainly because of her I started hating biology, why she wasn’t able to realise that maybe I need to do that subject on my own, in my own time. I NEEDED SPACE……

She had to stop bothering me instead would come to me daily make study for 3 hours straight. I was so alone at that time, I needed someone’s help, I was going in depression and I remember instead of taking a rickshaw back home I walked all the way back home. Just thinking how I landed myself in such a place and no answer came, only the regret of changing my school and leaving all my friends back. So, I used to come back home and think about where I really want to be in the coming 10 years and I just want one café and a peaceful life. Told my parents about it they were like surprised and my brother laughed at that thought and he still does. But my father came to me and its cool. It’s good that I am thinking something out of the box and he really appreciates it but for now just give your boards and get over with them. And trust me that small appreciation made me cry and I hugged him tightly and realized that boards were my priority that year. I talked to my mom that whole night and it felt so good. I love my family, sometimes I think that I even love my biology teacher cause she was doing everything for me only her way was wrong. Its sort of true that when you talk about something it makes you so light headed and free.

ALWAYS REMEMBER: TALKING HELPS. IT MAKES YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE YOU ARE ALWAYS GONNA HAVE SOMEONE YOU JUST NEED TO STAND IN THE CROWD AND ASK FOR IT.

That year I did concentrate on my studies and tried way to hard but I never scored good in biology but never lost hope and cleared my boards and hell yeah thanks to my biology teacher.

So, I just want to request everyone that if something bad happens there will be a point where you would want to leave it all but don’t just stay clam and talk cause it helps.